Being human
by Soobin
Summary: [drabble][post Try] There was nothing in his life that Zelgadiss hated more than helplessness.


**Title: **Being human

**Summary: **There was nothing in his life that Zelgadiss hated more than helplessness.

**Rating:** K+ (Dunno.)

**Pairings: **Z/A

**Warnings: **none (really!)

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Slayers or any involved character. I'm also not earning money with this fan fiction; I wrote it for my own personal amusement.

**AN:** The idea hit me while I was reading some fan fictions here and there on criticism is highly appreciated!

**Music: **Aida – Fortune favours the Brave

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Being human

"_Don't be scared of slowing down, be scared of stopping."_

Chinese proverb

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There was nothing in his life that Zelgadiss hated more than helplessness.

People tended to misunderstand helplessness for indifference, simply because both conditions resulted in passivity; which wasn't true at all, because there was a clear difference. When you chose to not be involved in a situation, to not care about something, that was indifference – but when you chose to be involved, to care, but you couldn't do a thing, that was helplessness.

And his life was full of it.

As a youth, he had learned how to wield a sword and had taught himself some spells, especially shamanism. It hadn't been his favourite choice, but his abilities in magic were limited and although he knew how to memorize the movements and techniques one needed in sword play, he was always too slow to use them on his opponent. Looking back on his past, he now knew that he had been too proud and stubborn to take any offered help from friends, and when Rezo had told him of a way to gain the strength he needed a while later, he had been so desperate and greedy for success that he'd accepted without a second thought – he still regretted it.

If he was honest, he had to admit that Rezo hadn't lied to him totally. His movements were quicker now, his senses sharper and his sorcery more powerful, but everything came with a prize to pay and Rezo had unfortunately forgotten to mention it. He'd achieved a few of his goals, but the cold feeling of not being able to do something still had a grip on him. His skin was made of stone, his hair consisted of wire and a cure wasn't in sight at all, because every lead he followed ended in a one-way.

Helplessness was a feeling that could coax you to do things that you would have never done

usually, especially when paired with desperation.

And now, in this very moment, as his wife's screams reached his ears through the heavy oak door, he hated it more than everything he'd ever known. Her screams had been louder at the beginning, but they were quieting down now, and it terrified him. The simple thought of losing her after all the struggle they had to go through to be together at last drove him mad. _Child birth_, he thought, _many women die while being in labour_. He thought about Amelia, her stubborn sense for justice, but also small and petite, and a shiver ran down his spine.

Her labour had begun hours before and he and Gourry had been kicked out of her room almost directly after that. "You're no help here, Zelgadiss-san. All you do is panic and making everyone only more nervous than they already are." The midwife's words still rang in his ears. Pacing back and forth in the small room they had seated themselves in, he shot Gourry a look. His friend looked worried and a bit confused about the happenings, but he was certain there wasn't a cold lump of uncertainty and desperation in HIS stomach. He couldn't lie to himself, there WAS no way he could help the midwife and Lina who were now taking care of his wife. It wouldn't improve Amelia's condition if he would burst through the door and yell at the women to just do something; even if he wanted to do it that much. He wanted to hold her hand, but he wouldn't be able to stand the feeling of her grip getting weaker, to look at her face, just to see her eyes becoming dull.

_If she doesn't survive this, I will…_

"Zelgadiss-san?"

The midwife's call pulled him out of his thoughts and his frantic gaze met her calm eyes. Then, a sudden loud cry reached his ears. The midwife smiled warmly as his eyes widened with realization. "Princess Amelia wants to see you. Come." She gestured into the room and he was through the door in milliseconds.

He was greeted with a smirk on Lina's and with a soft smile on Amelia's side. He locked eyes with the redhead briefly, then raced to his wife. Noticing her furrowed brows, the exhausted look on her face and the sweat on her forehead and her neck, he pulled her into his arms, careful not to hurt her but without any hesitation and pressed his lips urgently to hers, wanting to feel that she was well and alive. He caught her by surprise and she gasped slightly at his actions. Zelgadiss then noticed the small bundle in her arms, wrapped up in a pink small blanket and obviously the source of the crying.

His voice was hoarse as he spoke. "This… this is…?"

Amelia laughed, rocking the child softly. "Our daughter, Zelgadiss." She handed him the bundle and the midwife told him how to hold her right while Amelia leaned back into the pillows, watching him. He was awkward at first; never had he held a child before, especially not his own.

"_This can't be…"_

He sighed with relief as he surveyed his daughter.

Smooth skin.

He couldn't believe it.

He didn't know what to say or what to do, but it was a sort of helplessness he liked.

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AN: Click the button!**


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